Strong and Independent? – You Decide.
Over the last month or so I have been in contact with the ideal of “Strong and Independent Women”. Not only have I been in contact with the idea, but I’ve been in the cross-hairs of the effects of this pseudo-ideology. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for PEOPLE being strong, but I have a problem with the people and the thinking that separates and self defines based on a gender qualification. The end result can be a cult-like allegiance to some deranged code which only serves to mask the underlying issues that caused the connection in the first place.
My problems with this train of thought are as follows:
1. Why can’t ‘strong and independent’ PEOPLE be celebrated? To base the identity of such desirable traits by linking them to your gender only implies that the vast majority of that gender must be weak and dependent.
2. The words being used are redefined to support the agenda. For example, if a woman has issues within a relationship and within herself she is said to have been “strong” by avoiding dealing with the issues and running away from the relationship. We now have a redefinition of “strength” that includes childish, selfish and short-sighted behavior. Amazingly, some of this ‘strength’ is more closely aligned with cowardice and giving up. I'm glad our military servicemen don't have this type of "strength". Similarly, “independence” is redefined as closing off, withdrawing and being unwilling to communicate. Most of us would recognize this as creating an island of isolation. Most of us though, have a perception clarified by sanity.
3. The women who feel the need to announce their ‘strength and independence’ usually possess neither. The women (and men) that I know who are TRULY strong never, ever have to say it…it’s kind of just known. When you have to resort to preaching it and using the trigger words as praise for others, the likelihood is that you have issues that are being ignored; issues including the inability to deal with or handle issues. Some people are just bitter and internally ugly human beings (see my “Devil Wears Braces” blog). The ‘code’ and cult-like allegiance serves only to support and enable the shortcomings and justifies stagnation over growth and learning.
4. Women out there should be aware of those who cheer and champion gender-based strength. They are NOT happy people, they will bring you down with them…I’ve witnessed it. Don’t be fooled, this is not feminism; this is a sad defense of their own personal status quo. They will only view you as having 'strength' as long as you subscribe to their redefinitions of the trigger words and participate in their group-think.
I am not writing this as a general indictment, I have one specific individual that I have negative feelings about (Devil Wears Braces). I have another individual that I am worried about, but she is falling for this line of bull so deeply that I think she is now out of my reach and that makes me sad and angry and sometimes more determined than ever to get through to her.
So people out there…just BE strong and independent. Don’t water it down by qualifying it based on your gender. Don’t use trigger words to mask what real issues are and don’t use those same trigger words as a means of recruitment of others who may be in a vulnerable state.
posted by dalydose at 2:24 PM
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